I don't habitually "introduce" myself to online groups, but this seems like a strange watershed moment that compels me to write a few words....

I guess I have been guilty of sheer intellectual arrogance in thinking that I had to be "alone in the world" in simply not *caring* whether there is "God" or "not-God." Of course, I handily assign some of the blame for my soliptic thoughts on my environment, having lived for some 20-odd years in the Texas Bible Belt. Heck, I'm only 90 miles from Waco, and I live in what the 7 liberals of the area refer to as Williamson-by-God County. The people who owned the house before us conducted Baptisms in the creek at the bottom of the yard. Uh-huh.

I never knew there was a "name" for this. In a sense, it makes me a little nervous-- and I almost didn't join the tribe, because of it-- since, after 43 years of life, it would imply that I have suddenly become an "-ist." I suppose I should just shut up and take solace in the fact that I have finaly proved myself human, by succumbing to one of the most *basic* drives: The desire to feel some kind "connection" with other humans.

I was first called a "soulless" and "intellectually lazy" individual around age 11, by an uncle who had taken me to church. He asked me "Can't you FEEL the presence of God?" With the innocence of a slightly smart-alecky pre-teen, I replied "No, the only thing I can feel is the presence of mildew."

Maybe you have found better solutions than I, but I have always struggled with *explaining* myself, when a social setting pressures me to do so. Well, not "always," but at least since I moved to Texas, where "Church Chat" is a common component of daily conversation. Short of a 40-page dissertation.... explaining that I am NOT religious, yet NOT an Agnostic, and NOT an Atheist always feels like hard and tedious work. Ultimately, it's just that I don't feel a compulsion to have "other-referenced justification" for my actions-- be they rooted in belief, or non-belief. Frankly, I am grateful to Atheists and Religionists alike, for they all give me "bits" of useful information that contributes to my own "life philosophy." I am am even grateful to the "Religid" for teaching me the value (and pitfalls) of blind singlemindedness.

Reading between the lines, it isn't so much the "lack of _____" that bothers people, but rather the fact that what I tell them leaves them "uncomfortably fumbling" for a suitable pigeonhole in which to categorize and "file" me. And it makes *me* feel somewhat uncomfortable that I am making others uncomfortable. Does anyone else relate to that?

Well, MORE than enough said....